It has been quite a while since I have written about my prep for the 20k. I think my lack of writing, shows where I have been with my workouts recently. Over the past month I have been hit or miss and not really dedicated to getting my walks in. I know that this is just another kink in my path, but I also think I need to pay attention to why I am not moving forward the way I would like to be. If I had to tell you what the issue is I would say that I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not finish the race. When I think of being afraid to complete a 12.4 mile race, compared to other things I have faced in my life, it sounds silly. I am just afraid that I will start this challenge and then learn I am not the person I thought I was. So I asked myself today, "What if you get to the Dam to Dam in 4 weeks and are not able to complete it what happens then?" My response is that I will keep trying until I do finish.
The funny thing about writing this blog for me is I start with a question and before I am done, I find the answer. I guess that the beauty of writing. My question today was: “Why I am not motivated?” The answer to my question came from the most unlikely source...Bon Jovi. So to give some background, I was watching a TV program the other day and there was this quote about falling down nine times and getting up ten. I wanted to find that quote because I thought it would be perfect for my blog, but instead I was lead to a page of quotes by Bon Jovi and there was my answer just as clear as day “Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?”—Bon Jovi. I want more than anything else right now to cross that finish line on June 5th. So I have to stop making excuses and prepare myself mentally for this race and above all believe that I can do it.
On Another Note. On my work out playlist I have Lil Wayne, Jay-z and Eminem. I listen to the passion in their music to get me motivated but hidden in that playlist are these beautifully written ballads from Amos Lee. One day when doing my first outside walk/run I was listening to the usually suspects then “Careless” by Amos came on and in that moment I decided to run. I will never forget it, I was listening to this story about friends, deception and love and I wanted to move and do more. Throughout my training I hide Amos Lee songs in my playlist and say when I hear one of his songs I will run. I wish I could explain what it is that I feel when I am running and listening to music. My senses are clear and I hear the music fully. Two weeks ago yesterday I got to see Amos Lee in concert. I was so excited. I had been waiting for two and a half years to see him in concert and I was finally going to hear him live. The moment I hear his voice I was transported to my walking route. My head was clear, my senses fully engage and I enjoyed every minute of that show living in the moment. After the show I had the opportunity to meet Amos and tell him about the connection that I feel to his music. Thinking of overcoming this fear that I have, I can sum up that connection in a verse from "Long Line of Pain" by none other than Amos himself:
"I get the sense that I might lose it, but thank God tonight for the light I found in music."
Music for me has marked transitions in my life. Mary J Blige songs have inspired through challenging times. "One" and "Show Love" gave me hope through some rough situations after hurricane Katrina. So when I was making this life change, I thought for sure it would be Mary's words that motivated to run, instead it was Amos'. Lesson learned from music is you never know where you will find inspiration, or gentle heartfelt words encouraging you to run on.
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