The Princess and the Social Pea

When I was a child, I was a fan of all the fairy tales. I remember seeing Cinderella in the theater and for one Halloween I dressed as Snow White (the Snow White story is one that I will save for another blog). These days as someone who teaches classes on social justice issues, I recognize the marginalization of women that often occur in these stories. So, now as an adult I try to think, what was it about those stories that appealed to me? Looking for the answer to that question, I turn to my favorite story of all time, the Princess and the Pea. If you don’t know the story, it is about a Prince who was looking for a real Princess to marry, but could never find what it was that he was looking for. Then one day a woman came to his castle claiming to be a real Princess. Because of the storm she didn’t at all look like a Princess, but the Queen and the King allowed the Princess to stay in their home. The Queen put a small pea under lots of mattress, believing that if this woman was indeed the real Princess she would feel the pea through the many mattresses.

I don’t know how old I was when I came across this story, but I remember that my mom and I would go to the downtown library every now and then. I remember being face to face with this book and thinking to myself that I was a real princess, but no one could really see me for what I was. I started thinking of fairy tales tonight for two reasons. One a song that really gets me moving on my playlist is “The New Workout Plan” by Kanye West. The other reason why I thought of fairy tales was because of a movie I saw recently about a woman and her friends who made a weight loss pact. The story had Cinderella themes, which provoked a lot of thought for me.

I heard "The New Workout Plan" during my cardio workout this morning and though my legs where feeling the pain from my strength workout earlier today, I kept going. Pushing myself and being inspired by Kanye, I always laugh when I hear that song because of the following verse:

That's right put in work,
move your ass, go berserk,
Eat your salad, no dessert
Get that man you deserve

Kanye’s words brings me to yet another kink that I need to work out. That kink is my own personal belief that I need to be thin to have a vibrant social/dating life. For me, that thought only perpetuates the belief that being thin equals being beautiful. Here is what I am learning for myself: no one else in the world has to know that I am a princess; I just need to believe that I am. Now I know that the word princess has so many connotations, but here is what it means to me. A princess is a beautiful woman, who well admired and respected by those around her. A princess is surrounded by love and beauty. She is confident and knows what she has to offer the world. If I really look at myself, I will see what I knew as a child, that I am special and wonderful, like the princesses I admired back then. I already have all the love I need in my life, whether that love shown in relationships with my friends and family, but more importantly, I have to experience that love and acceptance for myself. Though on the outside, I may not look like what society has come to know as beautiful, special and talented, I know who I am. I will also add that remembering this love and acceptance is a daily process for me. It can get very hard to be confident in the woman that I am, when I receive social messages that may cause me to question my self-worth.

So I will continue to be inspired by the energy in Kanye’s workout plan, but I will also know for myself that if I need to be thin to grab someone’s attention that’s not the attention I want. So today’s lesson: get fit for me. Love me and all that I am, but strive to be better in every way.

The 8 Miles

Its been almost a year since I have started working out with a personal trainer. In October of 2009, I made an agreement with my trainer, saying that I would walk/run a 20k in Des Moines in June. In all of my training I have worked so very hard. I have my days where I don't want to go to the gym or I would rather sit on my bottom than walk for two hours. When I have those days there are two things that keep me going, music and the thought of how good it is going to feel to cross the finish line.

For the past two weeks when I complete my long walk, I end at 7 miles. Mentally, I want so badly to make it to 8 miles. But, I am also afraid that once I hit the 8th mile there are just 4.4 miles to go. At mile 8 my dream of completing the 20k is just 4.4 miles away. In just 4.4 more miles I can do something that I once thought I could never do.

In all this talk about 8 miles, I bet you can guess what song keeps me going on my music player. Yep, you guessed it, "Lose Yourself” by Eminem. With music and my dream of crossing the finish line, I lose myself in my walk. That time on the treadmill is about me. Not about me getting fit for some external reason, but me checking in with myself. Thinking about my body, and how to push myself without pushing too hard. How do I accomplish everything that I am capable of in this hour or two hour walk? I am still learning about my body and what I can do, but I know this: training for this 20k is about me working out the kinks in my own mind (and body) before that big day.

What are those kinks? One kink is that voice in the back of my head telling me that I will never make it. Also the personal belief that because my body looks differently than many of the people I see working out, that I don’t deserve to have my spot on the treadmill or track. Whatever I might tell myself that might keep me from completing this event, I have exactly 12 weeks and two days to overcome or manage it. Working out these kinks is why I decided to write this blog. Completing the 20k will be a milestone for me, but training and writing is a part of remembering the journey.